Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
