Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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