Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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