i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
its liver damage thursday
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
