I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
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I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
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I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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