yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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