i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
