I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
What a dumb baby whore.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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