I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
