walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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