Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
