So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
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Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
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He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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