i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
