I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Randomize
