walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
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I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
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There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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