I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.