Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?