I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.