During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
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Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
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Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating