so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.