Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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