You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
