ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
