I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
