well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
