Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
