Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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