he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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