it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
