Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
These tits shall not be calmed
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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