i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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