Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
