But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
