What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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