i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
