Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
