Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
