took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
