i think my tv is drunk
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I think I just sharted jello shots
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