Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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