who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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