Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize