Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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