my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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