She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
