Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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