What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
