Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
