I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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