unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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