The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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