I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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