i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
