I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
