The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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