bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
