I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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