I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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