my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
the raccoons are back...
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