Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
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Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
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Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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