Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
