I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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