I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize