I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad