nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.