one two three fourrrrnication!
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Send help, water and tortillas.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run