So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
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Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
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With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous