I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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