god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime