morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.