At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.