i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
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You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
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Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there