I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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