I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
So squirting runs in the family.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
